Now this is not a discouraging post nor is it a dig at an industry that I love. I believe that this is more of me thinking out loud and using the medium of writing. (something I don't normally do) Infact I can't stand writing blog posts.
Now I have been feeling for the last few weeks that maybe I might not be good enough to carve a career in photography. I know I shoot well and take lovely photo's, I have a solid reputation with most of my clients and I really do love taking photos but I'm tired.
I've had enough of fighting to get the work in, I'm tired of fighting to get the money and I'm really tired of worrying about those dry spells. It's starting to become not worth it. It's now beginning to become too mundane.
I have about 6 good months a year where I earn enough to get me through the other 6 months. I also have a couple small flexible part-time jobs that help me through those months. I'm content with this and it lets me do several things to keep me engaged and happy. It's just I'd love to have 12 months a year where I feel financially stable. I know that sounds like a silly over statement and I don't think I'm talking about 12 months earning what I do in photography. I feel like I need more stability especially as I get close to turning 30.
For a long time I have worked out that my mental health is connected to my earnings. Which is even more prominent because my earnings are based on others opinions of my work. Which makes photography a very personal way to earn money, so when the times are good then it's great and I feel on top of the world but when it's quiet it really helps my depression get the better of me.
I don't know if I am going to make a career change or it is my depression which is currently high getting the best of me telling me that I'm not good enough. I honestly don't know at the moment, I do know that photography is a bloody hard way to earn a living.
As for a different career I don't know, I have always liked the idea of being in the police or some form of law enforcement. I reckon I'm level headed enough to make a decent civil servant so that's something I will probably look into. My problem with it is the level of pay, I'm not money obsessed but the idea of working in a dangerous job where you're at the forefront of protecting of people on an ever restricting wage.
I have a couple of friends who work in the movies, no not selling popcorn! But within the movie industry. Some are make up artists and other are lighting technicians and they are all doing pretty well financially. I also think it would give me the flexibility to work on a small amount of photography when and if I wanted.
So for now who know's what's going to happen let's just say I'm keeping my options open and I'm looking for a different revenue to give me a more balanced life.
Much love, as always